Am I in love, or am I obsessed?: Thoughts on ‘The Zahir’ by Paulo Coelho
“Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
Welcome to another of my articles on Paulo Coelho’s books. I have previously written article about “The Pilgrimage,” a story about Paulo Coelho’s journey to Santiago de Compostela, where he found himself and embarked on a spiritual journey. I have also written article about “Brida” by Paulo Coelho, a story about a young woman named Brida who is trying to find her soulmate.
In this article, I’m going to share insights about obsession in Paulo Coelho’s book “The Zahir.”
The story is narrated by an unnamed protagonist, he’s a successful author living in Paris. He is married to Esther, a war correspondent, who suddenly disappeared without a trace. Her absence becomes an all-consuming mystery and obsession for him, turning her into his “Zahir” — a concept from Islamic mysticism referring to an object that occupies one’s every thought.
Despite his success and subsequent relationships, the protagonist is haunted by Esther’s disappearance. Everywhere he goes, he sees her. This obsession consumes him.
The protagonist’s obsession is caused by Esther’s sudden disappearance and his unresolved feelings and questions about their relationship. He has idealized Esther, seeing her as the key to his happiness and fulfillment, believing that finding her will restore his sense of completeness.
The disappearance of his wife, made him on a journey of introspection, examining his own life, relationships, and the nature of his love for Esther.
It reminds me of the time I fell in love with a guy. We were very close and shared a deep, meaningful connection, but he suddenly faded away from my life without explanation or trace. He was my Zahir, like a mirage in the desert that I kept chasing, believing it would quench my thirst, only to realize it was an illusion. I learned that what I felt was obsession rather than actual love. This is why I relate to this story on another level.
Here are the key lessons of love from this book.
Love is not possession
“Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
The main message about love in this book is that true love is about freedom and acceptance rather than possession and control. True love involves allowing the person you love to be free. It is about respecting their individuality and independence rather than trying to own or control them.
Love is like a wild river. It flows freely and exists beyond our attempts to contain it. When we try to dam the river, it often leads to flooding and destruction. Love is complex and often defies rational understanding. Trying to comprehend love intellectually can leave us feeling bewildered and uncertain.
Self Discovery
“All you have to do is to pay attention; lessons always arrive when you are ready, and if you can read the signs, you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
Love is like a mirror. To truly love someone else, you must first see and accept yourself. The protagonist’s search for his wife is also a journey to understand himself better, like polishing the mirror to see his own reflection more clearly. Through this experience, he learns that life offers guidance when we are ready to receive it, like finding a roadmap just when we need direction. We just need to pay attention and be open to what it shows us.
Letting Go
“Suffering occurs when we want other people to love us in the way we imagine we want to be loved, and not in the way that love should manifest itself — free and untrammeled, guiding us with its force and driving us on.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
We often suffer from our expectations rather than reality, much like planting seeds and expecting instant blooms. When we impose specific conditions on how others should treat us, it’s like expecting a garden to flourish overnight without giving it time and space to grow. Love should be allowed to grow naturally, like plants finding their own way towards the sunlight. Holding onto someone too tightly is like overwatering a plant, leading to its wilting and suffering. Letting go allows both individuals to grow and potentially bloom together in a more meaningful and liberated way, just as a well-tended garden thrives over time.
Final note: Love is a pure feeling when a person wants the best for the one they love and always wants them to be happy, even if they are not part of their life, like nurturing a plant and allowing it to grow freely. On the other hand, obsession is a consuming feeling where the person wants the other to be theirs exclusively, like trying to keep a flower in a jar, which ultimately suffocates and stifles its growth.
